It’s a strange thing to come back to a place after so long, especially one where I only spent a few choice moments and yet still has meaning for me.
When I decided to write on the interweb one final time, I considered opening up a new site and starting fresh and so of course put way too much thought into possible titles, themes, subject material, etc., to the point where I realized I hadn’t actually started anything yet. So, in order to finally get myself moving again I figured the best way to do that was to come back here. Besides, I quite like the Caspar David Friedrich banner, and the title “Last Defense” is still fitting for my objective. No, not defending “culture” or “heroism” or anything as abstract and pretentious as that. I aim to defend something far more concrete and real to me: Myself. And the enemy is something equally concrete and in-my-face, not a fabricated horror like “deconstructivism” or ”fundamentalism”: again, Myself.
Note that this is not going to be a “cry on my own shoulder” kind of place. <The audience sighs in relief.> What it is, is a place for me to examine some of the things I’ve had the wrong ideas about so that, hopefully, I can look back at it and protect myself from the same kinds of thinking errors again. Maybe that makes this an “intellectual navel-gazing” kind of place, but even if it is I promise that the self-corrective sentiment is genuine. I’ve had considerable time to think about this–unemployment and isolation from others will do that, especially since even in the best of times or with my favorite distractions I’ve always struggled to quiet my brain–and I’ve taken inspiration from other writers I respect to do this, so I’m going to go ahead and do it, open myself and my past assumptions up to my own criticism in order to defend and assert who I am today, tomorrow, and each day ahead, without fear or regret.
There’s definitely enough material in there to get more than four posts out of this. But, at times when I don’t feel up to grappling with myself (everyone needs mental health breaks), I reserve the right to write about stuff I like. I don’t mean to set this up as a false dilemma, but after all the fact that I was on the wrong side of the war party/peace party divide doesn’t mean that I can’t enjoy Warcraft and D&D. Or Bordeaux and Belgian Black Ale. Or football and soccer. Or whatever else catches my imagination, something I know I can rely on to make a better me.
